L-l-l-l-Lola

In the sorts of online games I play, it's common to have a visual representation of yourself in the game that other players see, called an "avatar" or "character" or "model" or "toon" (yish) or some such.

The avatars usually have gender, male or female. This opens the possibility that a male player could use a female avatar, or a female player a male avatar.

Some gamers do this regularly, and I'll confess to being among those. This goes back seven or eight years to Quake 2, where I sometimes used female avatars because I thought they looked better. Some people who knew I was male would freak about it, which made me start thinking about why it bothers other people that I and others do this, and why it doesn't bother me.

Well, there are certainly people outside this group who think that we inside the group...well, have "something wrong with them." Gay, gender dysphoric, or whatever. I am looking at you, Shannon, Ms. "You play a chick? Isn't there something...psychological about that?"

This attitude is also much more common about male players using female avatars. Female players using male avatars is apparently more alright in this mindset.

As for myself, it never seemed very important to me whether my avatar is male or female. I am what I am; the avatar is just pixels on a screen. As far as I'm concerned, anyone else I see on the screen could be male, female, binnaum from "Alien Nation," or maybe they reproduce asexually, how the hell should I know.

And why should it matter? When I interact with them by shooting virtual rockets at them, or helping them kill virtual monsters, or whatever, why is either of our genders relevant in that context?

Now, the fact of the matter is that to other people it does matter in that contect, and when they look at my female avatars, they're often making the assumption that I'm female and acting accordingly. So I'm making a choice that I know will lead other people to believe a thing that's not true, and as far as that goes, I feel a litle bad about that.

Though not bad enough for me to stop doing it, apparently.

The ways that people treat me differently when they assume that I am female have also been enlightening. Male (and female) players flirt with me very much more often than when I'm using a male avatar or known to be male. I once had a teenage kid who thought I was female call me a "drama queen," which just made me laugh. I've a couple times had the deprecating "you're just a girl" attitude leveled at me, usually by teenage males. on the more positive side, it seems to me (based on anecdotes) that female players are often more friendly, and male players are often less competitive.

As to why any of this is in any way relevant in the context, let me speculate. People are used to behaving, thinking about, and interacting with others based on gender. People are not used to doing that in a gender neutral/indeterminate way. So, reasonably they might try to shoehorn this new situation...where in the game context people are gender neutral/indeterminate...into the old mindset with which they're familiar. A sort of Homer Simpson "In times of trouble, go with what you know" situation.

It's also reasonable to expect that when it turns out their unfounded assumptions are wrong, they might get upset and feel decieved.

I'm sure there's also an element of the stereotypical heterosexual male homophobia here. This might explain why female players using male avatars is more accepted...that situation wouldn't lead to men unknowingly flirting with male players, see.